Reflection: Are you going faster than God?

Bonjour my dear single mums,

I hope you are all doing great! In the last couple of blogs, I have shared with you how important it is to take time to reflect on this past year 2016 and prepare to write down your goals for 2017.

When you look back, why did you do what you did? Why did you write that book? Why did you do the conference? Was that goal really what you felt God had placed on your heart? Or were you running ahead of God's plan for your life?

After a few days of reflection and while preparing my goals for next year, I decided to stop and take a step back.  I started asking myself questions.  Why did I do what I did? Write the book, help out at conferences, attend retreats and start the blog etc.

Even though these were the goals I wrote down last year in 2015, how could I ensure the goals were not out of my own heart's desire or simply just for my own selfish ambition? Instead of running towards every opportunity, should I have taken time to be more patient and wait on God before writing the goals?

This time my friends, I encourage you to prepare your goals whilst spending time with the Lord.  Ask him to show you the exact goals you need to work on for next year, in preparation for your purpose. Then pray and do not stop.  Keep praying, praising and worshipping God. Only He can approve those goals, not you.

It has been a struggle for me to sit down quietly, I can assure you. Especially when the kids are making so much noise. So, I started having my quiet time at night before going to bed.  When I found it hard to sit down still, (I get really distracted too!!) I started using a timer.

I started with a couple of minutes and now I can sit still for at least 30 minutes. I then take a break and I do it again.

My dear single mums, I know it can be hard to think about all these things to do but the year end is nearly here.  The shops are filling themselves up with Christmas gifts.

While we are working towards having a better life, take time in God's presence.  Dedicate all the few hours you have for him day and night and He will come through.  He will show you your goals, just sit still and listen...

Xxx

Reflection: 9 Months Later!

Hello everyone,

I hope that all my single mums out there are ok and have been coping well with the summer holiday.

By now most of the kids have been settled back into their school days routine and we can also take a rest from having to entertain them 24 hours a day!

For me, September was a good time to reflect on the past couple of months as we are nearing the end of the year 2016 .

I always take this opportunity to start preparing my end of year goals which I plan to achieve in
2017.  I use a goals booklet which I purchased from Terry Savelle Foy Ministries (www.terri.com) where I have pictures of my goals and dreams. I also add scriptures to it and it allows me to pray for that goal or that particular dream to happen.

So far, I have been able to achieve a couple of goals, not all of them, but what I know is that I am on my way to get them done, maybe not by Christmas, but as it is about enjoying the journey while moving forward, I try not to be too hard on myself while maintaining focus on what I am trying to achieve.

I wrote a book last year in November 2015 and I finally plucked up the courage to get it published.  It is all in the making and I am hoping it will be ready in a couple of months.

I remember writing it down as a goal in my goals book with scriptures and I can see it happening in reality.

I strongly believe that when you have life goals which you write down and then pray over regularly, God will make it happen; it works for me, so why not for you?

Some people believe and say that they write goals and achieve them anyway, which is fine ,but for me , attaching scriptures to them is like making a “contract” with God for all the promises he gave me. And when I see things happening and dreams becoming reality that increases my faith even more every day.

So, my dear single mums, I know we are very busy but you may want to take some time to think about next year, where do you want to be?, what do you want to do?, what your plans do you have for the kids?, etc and maybe start setting some goals. I constantly get overwhelmed so writing goals keep me focused throughout the year.

Go on ladies! Prep your goals for 2017!

Reflection: Learning To Do It Alone

Bonjour everyone,

I was having this conversation with someone who had been a single mum herself and is married now.

I was telling her how I find it hard sometimes to be on my own.  Having to take responsibility for my daily life and decisions without anyone else to share things with.

It was nice to hear her say that when she became a single mum, she found it hard too because there was no one to share the heavy load with.

That empty feeling on the inside is there, sometimes constantly. Sometimes it can turn to fear and there are some days when I just do not want to make any decisions at all, because I am tired.

But God is good, and He always picks me up; if I take a decision and I make a mistake, God will intervene or send someone to help.

Learning to be alone is a hard thing.  However, it is important not to find someone just because there is a void you might be trying to fill.  This might lead to another disaster.

Having someone by your side should be a bonus, not a necessity.

So, my dear single mums, if like me, you feel very lonely and tired of doing things alone at times, do not worry, God will send you the right person, male or female.

Learning to do things alone, however hard and painful, made me more confident, resilient, and took away some of my fears.

I am sure it can be the same for all of us...

Au Revoir!

Reflection: Live Your Life!

Bonjour everyone,  

I hope you are all well out there, especially my hard working single mums who are trying to make the best out of life for everyone around them, including their children, well done!

So today is going to be a smaller post than usual because I wanted to share some news and photos with you all!

I went back to work on Monday and so far so good.  Things are getting better. Apart from that, well, this week was also my 40th Birthday! I know right the big 4 and 0! Well to me, it did not matter because apparently life begins at 40, so, I can say that I have started living since that day!

When we are a single mum, it is not always possible to afford a big party, so this time I decided to do different things throughout 2016.  That means that I am not rushing and I do not feel bad about it!

As I have been approaching that age, I have noticed that not only am I thinking and reflecting a lot but that I also worry less and want to live my life to the full! I suppose that can also be seen as living a successful life, just to live your life every day to the full!!

Enjoy and see you all soon!
Au Revoir!

Reflection: Stress, Burnout and Mental Health Part 2

Bonjour everyone,

I hope you are all doing well!

Now, in my last blog, I explained how I ended up burnt out after a long period of stress.  I promised to share some of the things that you could do if you found yourself in a similar situation or if you find yourself getting really stressed out!

When you are a single mum, it can be a big problem if you are not well, especially if the children are little and you do not have enough support around you!  If you have to go to work to provide for them, then staying as healthy as possible with limited stress is so important.

The problem is you get overwhelmed and yes people were telling me to stop saying that to myself, but I not only knew it, I also felt it, right there in the middle of my chest.   The more I tried to fight it, the more overwhelmed I became.

So as my little work leaflet advised me to exercise regularly , I enrolled back at the gym, actually I sacrificed other things to do that as it was a must because of how I felt at the time!  I first went back to swimming ( I love swimming it relaxes me!!) and spent some quality time in the jacuzzi.  I will be hitting the treadmill  in the next couple of weeks too so I can get the most out of exercise!

As a single mum, I know what it is to struggle financially and some of you might not be able to afford to go to the gym.  In that case, there are many things you can do at home,  using weights, you can also go for walks with a friend, cycle, run,etc.  YouTube has some great videos for home exercises.

So, my next step is to get into the habit of eating healthier.  I have a teenager daughter who cooks very well.  However, being from Belgium means I love my chocolate and I have a very sweet tooth, so here goes the next challenge!

Here you go single mums. Try some kind of exercise, at least 30 minutes a day each day, even if you are off work due to stress, by doing this you get into a habit and get stress free.  By the time you go back to work, you will have a great exercise routine to follow!

God Bless.

Au Revoir

Reflection: Stress, Burnout and Mental Health Part 1

Bonjour everyone,

How are you all doing? Hope you are well.  Today, I would like to talk to you about being burnt out. I feel I can talk about it because I have been off work for three weeks now because I literally took on more than I could handle.  Stress led to the inevitable burnout!

So, here I am at home, looking at my workplace leaflet and information on helping fight stress and I would like to share that information with you guys out there in the hope that it might help.

Burning out when you are a single mum is just a no no!  There is only you who can look after those little kids, I am lucky that my last one is almost ten, but some of you may have really little ones.

I also believe that stress and burnout can lead to depression if you are not careful, then things can become much more complicated!

Of course there are some signs and symptoms of stress, which, if they become persistent, can lead to burnout; these could be physical signs (headaches, muscle tension, etc), emotions (irritability, anxiety, overall tension, etc) and added effects on your everyday life and function.

So, as I looked at my little leaflet, I decided that while off work, I would force myself to take practical steps to control the current stress.

It is important to note that as a single mum, there are many burdens we carry on our shoulders.  Most things fall on to us, without the partner to work as a Team.  If you add in a very demanding job, this can definitely lead to stress.

For the next couple of weeks, I will share with you my experience in dealing with this issue and ways to go about it.

If you feel stressed right now, it is important not to ignore the signs. I know that as single mums, we tend to hide how we feel and how we are from the people around us.  We want to put on a brave face and a strong attitude; well, doing this has led to my burnout! So just watch beware! Admitting that you are struggling is not a weakness, we are all humans after all!

Au Revoir!

Reflection: Reflection Time

Bonjour everyone,

When God is preparing you towards becoming who He wants you to become, it can be very challenging.

If you feel your purpose is something completely different to what you are doing right now, you will need to change some things and you will need to learn new things too.

If your purpose is similar to what you are doing right now, you will still need to learn more to become better.  To become the person you want to become and grow into your purpose, it is important to create the right strong foundation.

If you felt your purpose was to become a Doctor, you could not just pick up a stethoscope and start assessing patients, but instead you would have to go to university, study, read books,etc...

With a strong foundation, I can create a strong knowledge about the role I am meant to fulfill and become an expert at it!

There are many many books available out there, and there are many recommendations to read books regularly.  However, I have discovered that sometimes I give more time to reading a book than to actually reading my Bible and trying to understand what I am supposed to do.

I am convinced that my purpose is to become a successful leader and to reach out to other single mothers, it became  important that I built a strong foundation first in the word of God.

This is why, spending time with the Lord is so important and must come first.

In one of her YouTube videos, Heather Lindsey,  explains that the more time you spend building a relationship with the Lord, the more you will be able to hear Him and recognise Him when he speaks to you.

I am convinced of my purpose, I know deep in my heart that I need to learn to spend time with Him, in order to know Him better and recognise His voice for when He guides me now and in the future.

Do you sometimes, like me, feel overwhelmed with all the information that is out there? Do you try to read a book on success at the detriment of reading The Word of God? Do you prepare your heart to recognise when God will be the one speaking to you in the times you will need His counsel?

Knowledge is extremely important and reading books or keeping yourself informed are keys to success.  However, if you do not spend time with the Lord, you will keep coming off the track of your purpose because you might find it hard to hear Him, His guidance and His adjustments of your future plans.

Enjoy your reflection!

Au Revoir!

Reflection: Reflect To Start Afresh

Bonjour everyone, 

This weekend, I had the opportunity to travel to a weekend retreat.  The environment was really beautiful, and the weather was really nice, a bit chilly, but still nice. 

I attended because I felt the need to spend time with God, to be still and hear from Him.  There were many things in my life that I was trying to change.  I had been doing the same things over and over and was getting the same results.

Despite people around me telling me, I just could not hear them and I was not listening to what God was also trying to tell me.

When I heard, I would quickly think about it for so long that fear would creep in and I would change my mind and go back to the old destructive habit!

Deep in my heart I knew something was not right, I needed to change but I did not know where, I was struggling to diagnose my problem.

This state of confusion lasted the whole retreat weekend, until Sunday morning, as I woke up, God, showed me what I was doing wrong.

I needed to change something and this time I knew what it was.

Do you also feel like constantly trying to breakthrough, trying to understand the past and redoing the same mistake over and over again? This could be financially, in relationships, with family, etc...

Opening my Bible from the beginning again and spending quiet time in prayer, helped me see deep within myself and this led me to listen to God on a deeper level too.

Sometimes, there are so many things that need changing, we feel overwhelmed and cannot even pray. Some people say to write it down, which is what I did, and I got my answer!

So, you can start from the beginning again, be still, ask and listen deep within.

Reflection: Stay On Your Road

Bonjour everyone,

It is that time of the month again when I take time to reflect on what I am trying to do and how I can empower others and especially single mothers to become successful.

I can say that the last couple of weeks have been crazy; a lot of things were not working out and tried to distract me from my vision and my goals.

One thing that I realised is that, sometimes, many things will come at you, making you want to just give up and stop everything and just live what may look like a normal life.

For me, being a Christian means that I have a purpose and I am called to serve and just because I am a single mum does not mean that I am exempt from that.

It is just that when things hit you, the impact just seems to be even worse as a single mum.

As a single mum, I do not like to bother other people with my problems, so most of the time, I took the hit and stayed  stuck ; I am grateful though  for my family and friends around me who did not give up on me and who  helped me refocus on what I am trying to achieve.

What I am trying to say is that, even in those times when all you see is rain, there will be a moment of sunshine at the end of the road, because God loves us very much and he is our comforter and provider.

Whenever I feel like it is getting too much and the distractions pull me away from my purpose, I go back and spend even more time in His presence.

One of the principles of success is to make sure you stay on course; and yes, there will be many obstacles on the road, but take this example, where I live, there are many speed bumps, and it can be quite annoying when you are trying to get somewhere fast.

However, does it mean that I just stop my car in the middle of the road? No, I keep driving.

It is the same with life, keep driving, sometimes you might have to slow down, which is ok, but we need to keep going.

Are you sometimes overwhelmed by the lack of focus because of so many distractions and complications in your life? Do you stop in your tracks and run into bed as soon as there is a problem? (That is what used to do!)

I invite you to force yourself to move forward, the more you do it, the better it will get and the quicker God will take you to your promise land!

Reflection: That's It! I Am Stepping Out!

It's 6 am in the morning and I cannot sleep any more. I have been thinking about my first post for this blog that I am writing. For weeks now,  I have being thinking, what do I say, how do I start ? Last night before going to bed, I prayed that God would stir me from the inside and find me the words to write this.

Bonjour everyone,

My name is Ngalita, I am 39 years old and a single mum of three beautiful children and I guess like many other people out there, I feel I have the right to be successful.

Initially I thought that success meant being wealthy and living the good life but as time went on and as I discussed more on the topic with friends, I realised that success could be a little something or a bigger thing, depending on the person who wants it.

For me, being successful meant being able to look after my children, provide a stable and happy family home for them, design and build my own house, being able to travel when I wanted, having my own business, looking after my family and serving others.

But despite my need and want for success, I seemed to find it so hard to breakthrough, despite the books, the conferences, the workshops, the teachings, the support from my friends and family, I just seemed to struggle to breakthrough those roadblocks.

So I decided to go back to the beginning again, look and work on the principles which should normally lead me to success.  I have decided to challenge the most important ones and see where that takes me. 

As a lover of perfection, I was never really prepared to start the blog today but one of the most important principles that I struggle with is to "just start something" So, I have decided to start and see where this big adventure is going to take me.

I invite you to join me on this journey of becoming successful by trying to work on the principles and I hope to help stir that passion inside of you to just start something today too.