Meet Up: Retreat Time Here We Come

It is that time of the year when I can finally go away and put my feet up, while surrounded by a large group of lovely ladies...

Yes, my dear single mums.  I had the great opportunity to attend the Super Working Mums end of year retreat again.

Although I see most of the retreats as important as each other, this one is the one that prepares you mentally for the preparation of your goals and vision boards before the end of 2016.

The theme of the retreat was 'Maximise time, Manifest Dreams'. A time to reflect and identify those special gifts that will help you fulfil your dreams. For me, the dreams I know God has put in my heart.

The workshops were very interesting and very helpful along with the teaching by the guest speakers.

There was time to eat, go for a swim, get a massage or just relax. We all enjoyed the weekend and were able to come back refreshed and ready for the New Year 2017!

I am very lucky that my children are getting older and that I have a family member who looks after them so that I can attend the retreat.

Sometimes as a single mum, leaving the kids behind is just not an option.  That does not mean that it is not possible to prepare your goals for next year.  Now is the time, as we are in December, and Christmas is just around the corner.

I will be taking some time over Christmas to reflect even more on the past year and take time in prayer for God to agree with the goals and pictures I have cut out and glued in my vision book.

You could also make your own retreat at home with the kids. Why not ? At the end of the day, they are part of our lives and the big picture, how fun can it be to do it together.

Whatever way you decide to prepare for next year, try to see where you and the children are going, where would you like to be? What would you like to do ? Will you be in the same job ? Will you try and earn more money or be financially free of debts ? Will you be starting that ministry God has called you to start ?

I urge you not to enter into 2017 without a vision for yourself and your children because I believe we all have a purpose.  Even if it is just about making a better life for our children right now, we need to prepare to be successful in our households, whatever that means to you.

God Bless, Au Revoir!

Challenge: Another big goal accomplished!

Bonjour everyone,

I hope you are all doing great!

I want to tell you about one of the challenges I set for myself in 2015, as part of my goals for 2016.

This next challenge really surprised me though, as I was not ready for it, even if I had written it down in my vision book.

This weekends challenge came to me.  I did not choose to do it in advance. For some of you who know me, I do not like driving long distances.  I just do not like it. However, I knew that I needed to build my confidence behind the wheel if I wanted to travel as a public speaker.

This weekend was the last retreat for the year with the Super Working Mum group. As we set out on our journey (we normally take one car and of course I preferred not to drive !!).  It became clear that I would have to contribute to the driving experience. I was shaking just at the thought of it.

I remember asking God for help in the past, asking Him for the opportunity to drive far away from home, but not this weekend though! I was not ready but God was!

So I had to drive for two hours. Yes two hours! That was an experience but I did it in the end.  We all got home safe and the journey was so easy.

So, my dear Single mums, as you prepare your goals for 2017, know that God is listening and He can make it happen, if it is His will.

I did not have to rush, God made it happen. He can make it happen for you as well.

Good luck with your goals.  The New Year is just round the corner...

Reflection: Are you going faster than God?

Bonjour my dear single mums,

I hope you are all doing great! In the last couple of blogs, I have shared with you how important it is to take time to reflect on this past year 2016 and prepare to write down your goals for 2017.

When you look back, why did you do what you did? Why did you write that book? Why did you do the conference? Was that goal really what you felt God had placed on your heart? Or were you running ahead of God's plan for your life?

After a few days of reflection and while preparing my goals for next year, I decided to stop and take a step back.  I started asking myself questions.  Why did I do what I did? Write the book, help out at conferences, attend retreats and start the blog etc.

Even though these were the goals I wrote down last year in 2015, how could I ensure the goals were not out of my own heart's desire or simply just for my own selfish ambition? Instead of running towards every opportunity, should I have taken time to be more patient and wait on God before writing the goals?

This time my friends, I encourage you to prepare your goals whilst spending time with the Lord.  Ask him to show you the exact goals you need to work on for next year, in preparation for your purpose. Then pray and do not stop.  Keep praying, praising and worshipping God. Only He can approve those goals, not you.

It has been a struggle for me to sit down quietly, I can assure you. Especially when the kids are making so much noise. So, I started having my quiet time at night before going to bed.  When I found it hard to sit down still, (I get really distracted too!!) I started using a timer.

I started with a couple of minutes and now I can sit still for at least 30 minutes. I then take a break and I do it again.

My dear single mums, I know it can be hard to think about all these things to do but the year end is nearly here.  The shops are filling themselves up with Christmas gifts.

While we are working towards having a better life, take time in God's presence.  Dedicate all the few hours you have for him day and night and He will come through.  He will show you your goals, just sit still and listen...

Xxx

Travel: New York, New York

Meet Up: Catch up with the girlfriends!

Hello ladies,

I hope you are all doing great and are also taking time to enjoy some quality time with your girlfriends.

Last week I travelled by coach to Birmingham to meet one of my closest friends Nisha. Before that I met with Angelika, another one of my closest friends who also came to Birmingham. The following day we embarked on our girlie week trip of a lifetime to New York!

We always promised each other that when our birthdays were five year apart, we would travel together as it might be the last time. (We travelled to Poland together a few years ago, it was awesome!). Now, the kids are growing up, the girls might get married, make babies, who knows so yes that was probably the last big trip for the three of us.

Having good and positive friends is extremely important. I tend to get overwhelmed quickly and I cannot afford negative or overly excited people.

When you are a single mum sometimes people, especially if they are not single parents, might not understand what you are going through.

In some cases, there are people who can give you the exact support you need and might not be a single mum themselves. I know a lady who runs a single mums group and church in her community and she is married.  There was a time when her husband used to work all hours and was rarely at home, during that time she felt as a single mum herself.  So she has some insights into the life we live.

It is well known that to be successful, whatever that means for you, it is important to remain as positive as possible.

As a single mum, my life can be up and down at times and I find it nice to have a chat with a good friend who would not judge me all the time but instead keep me  positive and encourage me to go on!

So, ladies, who are you letting into you life? Who are the people surrounding you on a day to day basis? Are they always complaining and being negative? Do they just bring you down all the time? Are they taking up all your energy and you feel drained after a telephone conversation or even constantly upset?

Ladies, keep positive and choose well who you are spending time with!

Challenge: If you want to achieve something, help someone first!

Hello my dear single mums,

October is finally here and the cold is slowly creeping in!  Despite the last rays of sunshine, the days are getting shorter and shorter. And the woolly jumpers are coming out of the winter box.  In my last post I talked about starting to think about what you would like to achieve.

For next year and I also mentioned about my own goals which I wrote at the beginning of the year 2016.  For the next couple of weeks I would like to show you what I did this year and how I tried different things that people say might help us become successful, one of them being: helping others (or serving others).

I would love to be an international public speaker and speak at various conferences. So, when the opportunity came for me to help one of my friends with her own conference, I said "YES" straight away. There are many successful speakers who would tell you how important it is to hang around people, help them, and serve them.

If they do something that you eventually want to do as well, by helping them, you have the opportunity to learn for yourself, find out if you really want to do this and learn from someone (like a mentor) that can teach you a thing or two.

The conference was a real success! The speakers were amazing, the venue was perfect and the room was full. The presence of the Lord was really felt and everything went exactly according to plan. There were no issues at all. (I was the Event coordinator, so believe me its  true!!).

Why am I saying that helping at that conference was amazing for me? Well first of all, I realised that it is not easy to organise a conference.  You need a strong team of people around you who are proactive and can work well together.

I also learnt how to deal with at least 10 questions at the same time!!! I learnt more about my organisation skills and I also learnt that when God asks you to do something, you must take a step and he will sort out the rest.

When you step out of your own comfort and plan to help someone else, God will always present an opportunity for you as long as you are ready.

I had the opportunity to meet some ladies with common interest. I met new friends.  I got advice from different people but I was not ready. I did not print any complimentary cards which could have gone into the goodies bags!

So the message I want to share with you here is to be ready for the opportunities God will bring to 

you.

These opportunities will most likely come when we do not think about our own purpose but we think about others...

Reflection: 9 Months Later!

Hello everyone,

I hope that all my single mums out there are ok and have been coping well with the summer holiday.

By now most of the kids have been settled back into their school days routine and we can also take a rest from having to entertain them 24 hours a day!

For me, September was a good time to reflect on the past couple of months as we are nearing the end of the year 2016 .

I always take this opportunity to start preparing my end of year goals which I plan to achieve in
2017.  I use a goals booklet which I purchased from Terry Savelle Foy Ministries (www.terri.com) where I have pictures of my goals and dreams. I also add scriptures to it and it allows me to pray for that goal or that particular dream to happen.

So far, I have been able to achieve a couple of goals, not all of them, but what I know is that I am on my way to get them done, maybe not by Christmas, but as it is about enjoying the journey while moving forward, I try not to be too hard on myself while maintaining focus on what I am trying to achieve.

I wrote a book last year in November 2015 and I finally plucked up the courage to get it published.  It is all in the making and I am hoping it will be ready in a couple of months.

I remember writing it down as a goal in my goals book with scriptures and I can see it happening in reality.

I strongly believe that when you have life goals which you write down and then pray over regularly, God will make it happen; it works for me, so why not for you?

Some people believe and say that they write goals and achieve them anyway, which is fine ,but for me , attaching scriptures to them is like making a “contract” with God for all the promises he gave me. And when I see things happening and dreams becoming reality that increases my faith even more every day.

So, my dear single mums, I know we are very busy but you may want to take some time to think about next year, where do you want to be?, what do you want to do?, what your plans do you have for the kids?, etc and maybe start setting some goals. I constantly get overwhelmed so writing goals keep me focused throughout the year.

Go on ladies! Prep your goals for 2017!

Challenge: Free Summer Activities for the Kids!

Hello everyone,

I hope you are all doing well! It is the summer holidays and the challenge for some of us single mums is to keep our children busy or well looked after.

If like me you have to go to work, find childcare or any other activities to do with the kids, you will know how difficult and of course costly it can be.

I am lucky to have "Granny" to look after my little ones for a while.  I arranged for my family to visit from abroad and whilst I am at work they look after my children.  Cheeky but very helpful.

Sometimes having another friend with kids can also be really helpful because you can either do things together with the children or share the babysitting!

My family always nudges me to take the kids out here and there but I always think that outside activities are quite expensive.

However, I have found a lot of interesting tips on Martin Lewis's website; He is a money saving expert and provides valuable financial information to help you save money (yay!)

I recently received one of his newsletters relating to the summer holidays and children activities you can get for free, etc... And I thought I should share that information with you all!

I would invite you to check his website www.moneysavingexpert.com where you can find more financial information and you can follow this link for the summer holidays deals: www.moneysavingexpert.com/travel/school-holiday-deals

As single mums, we need to constantly learn and review our financial situation.  Martin Lewis helps you to do that and on a regular basis!

Have a look and good luck!

Reflection: Learning To Do It Alone

Bonjour everyone,

I was having this conversation with someone who had been a single mum herself and is married now.

I was telling her how I find it hard sometimes to be on my own.  Having to take responsibility for my daily life and decisions without anyone else to share things with.

It was nice to hear her say that when she became a single mum, she found it hard too because there was no one to share the heavy load with.

That empty feeling on the inside is there, sometimes constantly. Sometimes it can turn to fear and there are some days when I just do not want to make any decisions at all, because I am tired.

But God is good, and He always picks me up; if I take a decision and I make a mistake, God will intervene or send someone to help.

Learning to be alone is a hard thing.  However, it is important not to find someone just because there is a void you might be trying to fill.  This might lead to another disaster.

Having someone by your side should be a bonus, not a necessity.

So, my dear single mums, if like me, you feel very lonely and tired of doing things alone at times, do not worry, God will send you the right person, male or female.

Learning to do things alone, however hard and painful, made me more confident, resilient, and took away some of my fears.

I am sure it can be the same for all of us...

Au Revoir!

Travel: Kids and Streetdance

Bonjour everyone,

Well, the days have been very very busy!! 
Especially with the kids. Two of them love Streetdance and this time we travelled locally (only 5 minutes drive from home, thank God!) for a whole day of Streetdance competition.

This is a completely different world!


When you are inside the main hall and you see all the dancers giving their best, it becomes a great experience!

Sometimes parents are also invited to dance.  Yes I have tried it once, I came second, to a 90 year old granddad who was an amazing dancer!

I strongly believe, especially for our children, that it is so important to encourage activities that will enhance their confidence.

Let us not forget that some of us are raising our children without a dad and it can sometimes become too much.  Having good friends and teachers outside the home is important too and can help us in sharing some of the hard work.

There are times when those activities can be too costly.  In some cases, I have had to stop some of them.  However some schools also offer free activities for children in the school.  This way our children can also have a chance to build up good relationships out of the home environment.

Our children grow up so fast!  Sometimes I feel activities such as dancing, acting, singing can really make a difference. Well, at least for my children it has.

Financially it might be hard but I am pretty sure there are many things you can do for free for your children. I have done it, and if it worked for me, it could work for you. So, have a go and have a look!

Au Revoir!

Meet Up: Retreat Time!

Bonjour everyone,

It is that time of the year again when I get to go on a retreat with Super Working Mums, a group of Christian ladies who meet three times a year over a weekend for fellowship, prayer, worship, spa time and most of all ...ME time!

Being a single mum, does not mean that you do not need a break from time to time!  Actually, most single mums would benefit from attending a retreat or two throughout the year!

The only difficult part, I guess is the childcare.  I am lucky enough to have people who can look after my children on those occasions when I attend a retreat.
However, even spending the day away could be enough if spending the night is not an option.

I really believe spending time with other ladies, can help us share some of the burdens that we might not be able to share with anyone else.  After all, us single mums, do not always like to " bother" other people.

Well, the funny thing is that most of the ladies in the group are married, which to be honest bothered me at first.  However as time went by, God showed me that, as a single lady, being surrounded by married women allowed me to learn important things from them, in the " marriage" department!

These will definitely come in handy in the future! So yes, here again, I took a leap of faith by joining a group that was very different to my own situation!

Well, I had a good time, we had an award party and we danced, which was really cool! I had forgotten how much fun it was to dance in a room full of women! Ha ha ha!!!

Ladies, if you cannot go away for the weekend, try just for the day. Spend time with the girls, or join a group that empowers women etc... Try to do something that will uplift you and help you keep going! Good Luck!

Au Revoir!

Meet Up: The Birthday Treats Continue!

Bonjour everyone,

Welcome to my MEET UP WEEK!

Well, who said that birthdays have to last for just one day?
Since I have turned 40, I have been doing little things here and there with my family and friends.

Last week was another opportunity for me to eat out and this time again I went did it in style!

My friend took me to Sheesh restaurant in Chigwell near London.

I was wowed by the decor! It was amazing! Especially the Marilyn Monroe picture upstairs by the bar. I had one cocktail while waiting for our table to be ready.  There was a live band and the atmosphere was so chilled!

When we finally sat down, the magic happened! We ordered the food!!  The food was absolutely fantastic!

The main decor near the kitchen was so beautiful! Especially the huge mirror on the wall (I wonder how they got it up there!)

After dinner, I could not stop myself from taking a peek at the toilets and I was not disappointed, great style inside out (I even took a picture ! Ha ha ha)

I believe it is good to try something new, discover new places, new things, new food,etc...

For me, it allows me to stretch myself, but also it increases my knowledge on what is out there.

Now I know, I will be back for more!!!

Au Revoir!

Challenge: Father's Day for us single mums!

Bonjour everyone,

Do you find life challenging? Well I have been having many challenges in my life recently and I am learning that I have to build more resilience to be able to make it everyday.

There is no doubt that, even waking up everyday, can be a challenge and we must make sure that each day we are ready to push through and live our life to the full.

It was Father's Day in London last week and someone posted a message on Instagram about single mums who are also doing the job of a father.   That is a big challenge, because we often have to wear mummy and daddy hats!

I am so proud of you single mums who work hard everyday and look after and bring up your children well. However as I know and believe that God is a Father to the fatherless, making Him known to our children is also a way to share that heavy burden of everyday life.

If our children, who might not have their father in their life, could relate to God as their Father, I believe it could have a great impact on their future life too.

I am very lucky that my children have access to their dad regularly, but that might not be the case for everyone unfortunately.

So, single mums, when we do not have a partner with us, who can be a dad to our children, let us remember that God is and can be that partner.

For those of whom the children's father is not around or not getting involved with the kids, I ask you to pray for that person, for God to open their heart and let them see the responsibility they have towards their children. I believe that God can make that happen.

Have a great week! And keep pushing through!!!

Au Revoir!

Reflection: Live Your Life!

Bonjour everyone,  

I hope you are all well out there, especially my hard working single mums who are trying to make the best out of life for everyone around them, including their children, well done!

So today is going to be a smaller post than usual because I wanted to share some news and photos with you all!

I went back to work on Monday and so far so good.  Things are getting better. Apart from that, well, this week was also my 40th Birthday! I know right the big 4 and 0! Well to me, it did not matter because apparently life begins at 40, so, I can say that I have started living since that day!

When we are a single mum, it is not always possible to afford a big party, so this time I decided to do different things throughout 2016.  That means that I am not rushing and I do not feel bad about it!

As I have been approaching that age, I have noticed that not only am I thinking and reflecting a lot but that I also worry less and want to live my life to the full! I suppose that can also be seen as living a successful life, just to live your life every day to the full!!

Enjoy and see you all soon!
Au Revoir!

Reflection: Stress, Burnout and Mental Health Part 2

Bonjour everyone,

I hope you are all doing well!

Now, in my last blog, I explained how I ended up burnt out after a long period of stress.  I promised to share some of the things that you could do if you found yourself in a similar situation or if you find yourself getting really stressed out!

When you are a single mum, it can be a big problem if you are not well, especially if the children are little and you do not have enough support around you!  If you have to go to work to provide for them, then staying as healthy as possible with limited stress is so important.

The problem is you get overwhelmed and yes people were telling me to stop saying that to myself, but I not only knew it, I also felt it, right there in the middle of my chest.   The more I tried to fight it, the more overwhelmed I became.

So as my little work leaflet advised me to exercise regularly , I enrolled back at the gym, actually I sacrificed other things to do that as it was a must because of how I felt at the time!  I first went back to swimming ( I love swimming it relaxes me!!) and spent some quality time in the jacuzzi.  I will be hitting the treadmill  in the next couple of weeks too so I can get the most out of exercise!

As a single mum, I know what it is to struggle financially and some of you might not be able to afford to go to the gym.  In that case, there are many things you can do at home,  using weights, you can also go for walks with a friend, cycle, run,etc.  YouTube has some great videos for home exercises.

So, my next step is to get into the habit of eating healthier.  I have a teenager daughter who cooks very well.  However, being from Belgium means I love my chocolate and I have a very sweet tooth, so here goes the next challenge!

Here you go single mums. Try some kind of exercise, at least 30 minutes a day each day, even if you are off work due to stress, by doing this you get into a habit and get stress free.  By the time you go back to work, you will have a great exercise routine to follow!

God Bless.

Au Revoir

Reflection: Stress, Burnout and Mental Health Part 1

Bonjour everyone,

How are you all doing? Hope you are well.  Today, I would like to talk to you about being burnt out. I feel I can talk about it because I have been off work for three weeks now because I literally took on more than I could handle.  Stress led to the inevitable burnout!

So, here I am at home, looking at my workplace leaflet and information on helping fight stress and I would like to share that information with you guys out there in the hope that it might help.

Burning out when you are a single mum is just a no no!  There is only you who can look after those little kids, I am lucky that my last one is almost ten, but some of you may have really little ones.

I also believe that stress and burnout can lead to depression if you are not careful, then things can become much more complicated!

Of course there are some signs and symptoms of stress, which, if they become persistent, can lead to burnout; these could be physical signs (headaches, muscle tension, etc), emotions (irritability, anxiety, overall tension, etc) and added effects on your everyday life and function.

So, as I looked at my little leaflet, I decided that while off work, I would force myself to take practical steps to control the current stress.

It is important to note that as a single mum, there are many burdens we carry on our shoulders.  Most things fall on to us, without the partner to work as a Team.  If you add in a very demanding job, this can definitely lead to stress.

For the next couple of weeks, I will share with you my experience in dealing with this issue and ways to go about it.

If you feel stressed right now, it is important not to ignore the signs. I know that as single mums, we tend to hide how we feel and how we are from the people around us.  We want to put on a brave face and a strong attitude; well, doing this has led to my burnout! So just watch beware! Admitting that you are struggling is not a weakness, we are all humans after all!

Au Revoir!

Meet Up: Taking the Kids Out!

Bonjour everyone,

We are already halfway through May.  Here in the UK it is still quite cold! We get two or three days of beautiful weather followed by many days of rain!

So, here I am, in my flat, it is dark outside and quite gloomy! It has not stopped raining.  Nevertheless, that is when I realise the importance of always ensuring the sun shines inside your heart.  Otherwise, the weather can really make you sad!!! And I am not talking about winter yet!

On a good note, last weekend, I took the kids to a pet show in London! They love pets and are trying to convince me to buy one, especially a dog! 

I used to have dogs and cats when I was younger but that was in Africa, where your garden space is pretty big so, no need to go out many times a day for the dogs to stretch their legs!

It was a great show, there were many many animals there! My son loved it, especially the bugs, he loved touching them.


All the kids managed to convince me to hold the bugs too! It was just horrible!!!

How funny though, that the little creatures are smaller than us humans and we can get so scared by them! Well I do!

These bugs and animals are very fast, that is what makes me most uncomfortable.  However, you have to try new things in life and I tried under the pressure of my beautiful darlings!

So, what are you going to try this week? Just to push yourself a little bit? Just a little challenge, maybe do something that scares you?

Enjoy this week and try something that you would not normally do. The more you do it, the easier it will be to do it again!!!

Au Revoir!